Saying No (And Other Life Skills They Don’t Teach You in School)

I used to think being agreeable was a strength. Like, if I could just stay chill, take the high road, keep the peace, say “yes” to everything — I’d somehow end up on top. Or at least in good standing with everyone around me.

What actually happened? I ended up exhausted, stretched too thin, and quietly resentful. Cute, right?

Somewhere along the way, I realized that saying “yes” all the time wasn’t making me a team player — it was making me a doormat with a coffee addiction and a side hustle in burnout.

So I did something I don’t normally do:
I said no.
Out loud.
With actual conviction.
And I didn’t immediately follow it with “...unless you really need me to!”

The moment I knew something had to change

Things had been off for a while. I was showing up, doing the work, going above and beyond. But the support? The energy? The pay? Not matching. I could feel it in my gut.

So I asked for what I believed I deserved — calmly, professionally, and with receipts.

And… they said no. So I walked.

Was it terrifying? Absolutely.
Did I question everything? Also yes.
But deep down, I knew: if I kept accepting less than what I was worth, that’s exactly what I’d keep getting.

Plot twist: the call came

Weeks later, the same people who said “no” circled back.

Except this time, it was: “We want you back. And we’re ready to give you everything you asked for — and more.”

More respect. More support. More money. A real seat at the table.

I wanted to play it cool but inside I was like, “Ohhh, so you do see it now.”
(I did, in fact, say, “Let me think about it.” Just for dramatic effect.)

Learning how to stand your ground

I wish I could say I’ve mastered the whole confident-boundary-setting-girlboss-energy thing. But the truth is, I’m still learning.

Some days, it feels natural. Other days, I say “no” and then overthink it for three hours straight. But I’m getting better.

I’ve learned that you don’t have to yell to be heard. You don’t have to have all the answers to stand in your worth. You don’t have to wait for permission to want more.

You’re allowed to take up space.
You’re allowed to draw the line.
You’re allowed to say: “This isn’t enough for me” — and mean it.

Even when your voice shakes.
Even when you don’t have a backup plan yet.
Even if it’s your first time ever doing it.

Still learning, still growing, still asking for what I want

Look, I’m not an expert. I’m just someone who got tired of overworking and under-asking. Someone who finally realized being “nice” doesn’t mean being silent. Someone who’s learning, day by day, how to take herself seriously — and how to teach others to do the same.

So no, I don’t know everything.
But I do know this: your voice has value. Even if it shakes.
Especially if it shakes.

A little reflection, in case you need it

If you’ve been sitting on a conversation you’re scared to have — the one about your value, your time, your needs — this is your sign.

Say the thing. Ask for the raise. Set the boundary. Take the risk.

And if the door closes? Trust that you didn’t just lose something — you made space for something better. Even if it doesn’t show up right away.

It might take a minute.
But when it does? It’ll feel like respect. And peace. And coming home to yourself.